I realize that I’ve fallen off of the radar as of late, and for the first time since creating this blog I have taken a break from frequent posting (which any dedicated blogger knows is a big “no-no” if you want to remain relevant!). Much of this I feel can be attributed to a personal life which continues to get busier and busier as my son grows and my career evolves, thus creating an internal struggle as I seek to maintain a satisfactory work/life balance.
To be honest I feel as though this year has hit me with a couple of major blows, admittedly they were mostly to my ego, and I’m sure they were necessary lessons for my own personal growth. It’s hard not to get wrapped up in the life of racing, blogging, and social media without feeling the need to continually prove myself as a worthy writer, competitor, and even mother, to complete strangers online. I am at fault for comparing myself to my peers, and I must admit that I deal with an emotional struggle when I feel as though the extraordinary OCR supermom’s who I admire seem to be succeeding at the balancing act of life much more easily than I am.
Most recently, I found myself completely engulfed in a sea of all-consuming frustration and disappointment when an opportunity to appear on a popular reality TV show fell through. After months of anticipation, planning, training, and excitement, I somehow came up short, and – with no explanation whatsoever – the opportunity disappeared while I was left wondering, bewildered, what could possibly have changed their minds.
Dealing with disappointment, failure, and the frustration of feeling as though you are just not cutting it can be extremely tough. It’s as though your subconscious has become entrenched in a thick bog of self-condemning sludge, and no matter how hard you struggle to free yourself, all you do is cause yourself to sink deeper into your own self-doubt. For lack of a better description – it sucks.
I won’t lie, I wallowed for a couple of days. I drank some wine, felt a little bit sorry for myself, got really annoyed, then took a good hard look in the mirror and told myself it was time to suck it up. I needed to move on. I had to realize and accept that life is full of disappointments, but in the end this small rejection should have no effect on who I choose to be as a person, or on the confidence that I maintain in my own abilities.
I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason (whether we realize it at the time or not), so instead of choosing self-pity I made the choice to be thankful for the positives I’ve experienced, and to learn from the struggles I’ve encountered. And when racing comes back in full force in a couple of months (check out this epic race schedule!!), I’ll be ready and excited to post the many adventures that are guaranteed to be had.
Until then I’m going to be thankful for what I have, and I’m going to learn from the disappointment of the past in an effort to be a better athlete, writer, wife, mother, and friend.
Keep training hard everyone, I’ll see you soon!